Willfully surrenduring...

Tonight is a full moon. In any given full moon there lies an opportunity to release. The moon has a very strong gravitational pull on the earth & when it is full it has the most power. Releasing what no longer serves you on a full moon is a very powerful way to align your intentions with the natural cycles of the universe, in this case, the moon. And since we are a part of the whole, this release is a microcosm of the macrocosm for what release is going on in the universe as all living things are naturally called to release on a full moon. You might not even realize it, but you are innately aware of these natural cycles. Sit, right now, and connect with what it is that you would like to let go of. Close your eyes and go there.
Now, spend another moment breathing deep, letting the intention of using your breath & your mindfulness as a form of prayer, devotion or love as an offering to a higher power, in which you are a part of. Your conscious participation in this release sets you up for the universe to illicit a shift in your consciousness to create more space from which you can create what you really want.

Surrendering all to the self is a difficult if not impossible task for most people. This is because we are not aware of the peace such surrender brings. There are many kinds of surrender: there is surrender in war, when the defeated side surrenders in order to preserve whatever life and property remain. This is a willful surrender to a superior force -- some thing like a plea for mercy in the hope of avoiding death and total devastation. Then there is surrender in a totally hopeless situation, the surrender of a man, for instance, facing an unavoidable death. And there is also willful surrender to some thing overwhelmingly pleasant -- like the surrender to a lover, or surrender to some desire or to the senses. Such surrenders are qualified by extraneous desires and circumstances, but there is a total and perfect surrender -- the surrender unto the self.

Practice makes better...

As the days start to meld together I find I am able to define my time easier by the books I've been reading. I couldn't tell you what I did last week but I could tell you that last week I discovered a sneaky plot derived by a crooked tavern keeper to thwart a you Scotsman from liberating the coal heaving gangs in London. See, my book choices here are limited to what the wonderful beach bound BBC ladies bring, thusly devour and inevitably leave behind. I mean really, would you want to take home that trashy romance novel or a Tom Clancy epic with you? Thankfully no!

In between deep philosophical thoughts from the Tao, teaching yoga, and hanging out with the wonderful ladies of Bikini Bootcamp I've had the pleasure to pour over a few murder mysteries involving disappearing swimsuit models, romance novels starring wolverines, vampires and valkyries, and a few pages involving freedom and liberation in 18th century Scotland. All in all...pretty awesome.

Needless to say my mind has been craving a little academia, a little critical thinking and depth. Here's where the yoga part comes in. I've taken this need into my practice and realized that no matter what I need at any point in my life I can find it in my practice. A year and a half ago after leaving an unfulfilling relationship with a man that I loved deeply I found myself a wreck, in need of love, support, confidence, and mostly understanding. Just as my friends were there for me so was my practice. I found that all of the emotions I was battling were easier fought on my mat rather than in my head at 3am. Off of my mat all of those things I had learned on my mat now came into play.

Being able to tap into my breath to get through a difficult moment or remembering that just because something may be arduous doesn't mean I don't possess the ability to rally strength and make it to the other side. I found love, compassion and gratitude towards myself as I had never known in the months that followed that breakup. Lately, I find what I need is intellectual stimulation and challenges. My practice continues to give me that both on and off my mat. I set boundaries on my mat during my physical practice. I push myself to find my edge and explore, listening to my body and heart to tell me how far I can go. I can take this idea into my everyday life and set boundaries, realistic ones mind you, regarding work and space...lord knows this girl needs her space.

These days I find my practice more intellectually stimulating as my awareness of my body deepens. I can feel muscles, tendons, ligaments and joints move, shift and support. This gets me thinking about the anatomy of the body in relation to poses differently than I have been. This influences the way, or how and what, I teach and hopefully works to make me a better teacher. I know...ramble ramble ramble...my point is this (especially for those of you just starting your practice):

Your practice will always give you what you need even if you don't recognize it at first, even if you don't want it, and especially if you don't know you need it.


I'm doing just the thing that turns me off to blogs. Too many words, not enough pictures.

Currently residing: Amansala Resort Tulum, Mexico

balance...

I don't know how they do it. Those teachers who teach everyday, two sometimes three classes per day 5 - 6 days a week. How does one manage it physically, emotionally, and mentally? I suppose it's one thing if you eat, breathe and sleep yoga but this girl doesn't. She helps run a hotel, organizes a spa, runs another business from 2,200 miles away, acts as counsel to countless numbers of women every week, and teaches. My body is rebelling against me and my heart aches at the end of each week. As a teacher you put yourself in a position of unconditional and constant giving. And it's not that your students don't give back. They give plenty, but it is a different kind of giving. They inspire, fuel my love for teaching, and give an open heart, but ultimately their role is to receive. After 7 days with the amazing women and men who pass through these doors, all of which are here dealing with their own issues, finding their own answers, discovering their own selves, I feel both exhilarated and depleted.

Little do our students know that we, as teachers are going through many of the same trials and tribulations. We are in a constant state of finding balance. For me, right now the balance is between work and life which is becoming ever more gray as the months pass. It's finding balance between work and play.