Getting over the fear...

One of my biggest fears in teaching yoga (yes there are a few) is that fateful day when my teacher Tiffany Cruikshank walks into one of my classes as a student....to have ME teach them. The thought of it brings swarms of butterflies to my belly. I guess it is pretty foolish to think that in my travels and teaching I wouldn't come across some of my more distant teachers. Those teachers whose blogs I follow, videos I watch, talks I listen to. They're kind of like unicorns to me. I know they're out there prancing about with their manes and silvery horns, and I know I'll meet one someday, but you know...they're unicorns. I see photographs of these teachers, read this or that article, but I've never met or even been in the same room with most of them. And when I am I of course realize that they are just like me, a perpetual student, passionate about what they do and full of love.

The thought never crossed my mind that one day I might actually be face to face with one of these elusive creatures...until today. As the storm outside blew in I struggled with the sliding doors to let a rain lashed lady in. Once her hair blew out of her face I couldn't mistake those bangs and all black get up. Who else would wear all black in Mexico? Sadie Nardini, all smiles. Introductions were had and then the question...
Sadie, "Are you teaching tonight?"
"Yeah, for the last day of Bikini Boot Camp."
"Awesome! Can I come to class?"
"Of course!"
Cue me running away feeling like I want to vomit, explode, pee.

After about 5 minutes that feeling went away and was replaced by one of honor and gratitude. It's less of a star-struck attitude and more of a deep sense of gratitude and thanks to those, unbeknownst to them, who have influenced me. It's scary teaching those who have taught you most of what you know. I look at this as an opportunity to conquer another fear and grow as both student and teacher. Thank you universe.

Besides...what a fan-freaking-tastic way to end my stay here. Sadie has been an inspiration to my practice and my teaching. Tonight she flows with me and tomorrow I fly with her. I can't wait!!!

balance...

I don't know how they do it. Those teachers who teach everyday, two sometimes three classes per day 5 - 6 days a week. How does one manage it physically, emotionally, and mentally? I suppose it's one thing if you eat, breathe and sleep yoga but this girl doesn't. She helps run a hotel, organizes a spa, runs another business from 2,200 miles away, acts as counsel to countless numbers of women every week, and teaches. My body is rebelling against me and my heart aches at the end of each week. As a teacher you put yourself in a position of unconditional and constant giving. And it's not that your students don't give back. They give plenty, but it is a different kind of giving. They inspire, fuel my love for teaching, and give an open heart, but ultimately their role is to receive. After 7 days with the amazing women and men who pass through these doors, all of which are here dealing with their own issues, finding their own answers, discovering their own selves, I feel both exhilarated and depleted.

Little do our students know that we, as teachers are going through many of the same trials and tribulations. We are in a constant state of finding balance. For me, right now the balance is between work and life which is becoming ever more gray as the months pass. It's finding balance between work and play.